What Parents Don’t Understand About School Today
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1. Computers
These "new spangled gizmos" are actually "essential to my learning" (quoted directly from the school advertisement brochure), Mum. I mean, why write when you can type. Nuh-UH, do NOT start talking about how essential handwriting is. And why carry around 15 textbooks that weigh more than a grand piano each, when you can carry around a computer? And yes, I happen to be able to check my Facebook Feed on my computer, but I NEVER, EVER, EVER use that. Never.
2. Homework
If the teacher says the essay is due on Tuesday, she really means to start it on Monday at 11:59pm, then grovel and beg for an extension.
3. Corporal Punishment
Just because you were punished when you were at school doesn't mean you need to rant on about how I need a little bit of cane to "keep me in order". And please stop talking to Dad about how "this government needs to bring back the cane". I can hear, you know.
4. Stalking Teachers
Just because I'm friends with my teacher on Facebook doesn't mean I'm stalking her.
5. Phone Calculators
Please, Mum, my phone is a calculator. A conventional calculator is so booooring. It's so old-fashioned. I'm might as well be a grandma knitting ugly sweaters that don't fit properly if I start using conventional calculators. You don't understand! Just because I can type my maths question into Yahoo Answers doesn't mean I actually use it. More like Doctor Google.
6. Excursions.
When it says on the excursion that I need to take a camera to snap photos of bees landing on flowers, it doesn't mean I actually need to bring a camera. I need my phone.
7. Interactive Whiteboard.
Me: "It's not a whiteboard, Mum! You don't write on it! It's an Interactive Whiteboard."
Mum: "So you talk to it, and it talks back?"
Me: "No, no, no, you've got it all wrong. Not that kind of interactive. It's basically a massive computer. Or rather a projector. That projects your computer. And you tap it with a pen."
Mum: "Like, a biro?"
Me: "No, not a normal pen, and by the way, please don't ever use the word 'biro' around me again, it gives me shivers to hear such an old word. It's a special pen. It's called a stylus."
Mum: "Is it stylish?"
Me: "No! God, Mum, why do you have to be so literal?"
Mum: "I was joking."
Me: "Well, you need to be clearer. Maybe hold up a sign that say 'I'm joking' or something. Old people jokes are so hard to understand."
So yeah, Mum. Don't even try to delve into the word of modern day school. At least, not until you understand what LOL, IDK, and TTYL mean.
Congratulations to Paul for winning this writing challenge. Paul wins a $50 Westfield gift card. For your chance to win, check out our latest writing challenges in our Comps section.
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