They’ve Started Urinating On One Another Aboard American Planes

In the fury of the recent #LibSpill, arguably the year’s biggest news story, we neglected to report on what is easily the year’s second most significant story.

Let us rectify that today.

On Friday, an American JetBlue passenger en route to Portland, Oregon was arrested after urinating on his fellow plane-mates.

According to a police report obtained by CNN, 27-year-old Jeff D. Rubin stood up half an hour before landing “and began urinating through the crack of the seat onto the passengers seated in front of him.”

We should note here that the flight only lasted three hours. If you have ever sat through three episodes of Orange is the New Black without needing a bathroom break, you have already shown more restraint than Mr. Rubin.

What was already a horrendous crime turned mildly comical mid-stream, as the report explains.

“At some point Jeff Rubin lost his balance causing him to fall backwards and urinate upwards which got on the passengers and seats next to him as well as some other passenger's personal belongings.”

Upwards urination? To paraphrase the tagline from the movie Traffic, "No one gets away clean."

Police boarded the flight upon landing, where they found Rubin sleeping in his seat.

He is facing two misdemeanour charges for criminal mischief and offensive littering, which is a very polite way of putting it.

Let this be your daily reminder to be good to one another up there.

I mean, geez, I don’t even like it when people take their shoes off next to me on a flight.