Donald Trump Is Officially The Republican Party’s Nominee For American President

No takesies-backsies.

Thirteen months after billionaire mogul and Home Alone 2 star Donald Trump announced his Presidential intentions to a slew of forehead slaps and Twitter memes, the Republican party has formally said, “Why not?” on the second day of their national convention in Cleveland.

It was during a ceremonial roll call of the states that Trump officially received the nomination; the process by which representatives from each of the 50 states (not to mention the District of Columbia and some Pacific territories) take the floor and announce the number of votes they’re assigning each contender (as decided during the arduous primary process that saw also-rans Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, John Kasich, Ben Carson and literally 12 others demolished by Trump’s red-hatted supporters).

Though it seems simple, the gig nonetheless baffled Nevada’s delegate, who incorrectly named the state’s capital as Las Vegas. (It’s Carson City).

The Nevada delegate gets his own capital city wrong pic.twitter.com/B5oj8sdkO9

— Mashable News (@MashableNews) July 19, 2016

New York waited to officially push Trump “over the top” of the minimum 1,237-vote threshold, with Donald Trump Jr. delivering that state’s allotted 89 delegates.

“Congratulations Dad, we love you,” he added.

Such a great honor to be the Republican Nominee for President of the United States. I will work hard and never let you down! AMERICA FIRST!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 19, 2016

Earlier at the Republican National Convention, the party adopted their official platform for the 2016 election, which the New York Times calls the "most extreme Republican Platform in memory". It reportedly solidifies Trump's "anti-Muslim phobia and fantasy wall across the Mexican border" as the party line, alongside "retrograde positions that include making no exceptions for rape or women’s health in cases of abortion; requiring the Bible to be taught in public high schools; selling coal as a 'clean' energy source; demanding a return of federal lands to the states; insisting that legislators use religion as a guide in lawmaking; appointing 'family values' judges; barring female soldiers from combat; and rejecting the need for stronger gun controls — despite the mass shootings afflicting the nation every week."

Trump’s proposed pick for Vice President, Indiana Governor Mike Pence, was also officially nominated as VP contender, thus solidifying the Trump-Pence ticket (and opening the floodgates for more plays on their phallic logo).

The good news for Trump follows the disastrous fallout of the RNC’s first day, during which First Lady hopeful Melania Trump delivered a speech that was found to have shared a striking similarity to Michelle Obama’s own Democratic National Convention talk in 2008.

So that's pretty blatant, right? pic.twitter.com/EPnHME7afV

— Mike Hearn (@mikehearn) July 19, 2016

Republican party officials have refuted claims that Melania plagiarised the speech, with RNC communications director Sean Spicer suggesting that both women might have been inspired by My Little Pony.

There still remains two days left of the Republican National Convention, giving ample time for the rest of Trump’s family – and the no-longer-presumptive-but-legitimate nominee – to speak.

Yesterday, Scott Baio and Antonio Sabato Jr. were invited to spruik Trump, being the two biggest non-political names willing and available to champion the New York developer.

If you do not know who they are, it means only that you are younger than 35 and/ or not familiar with the lowest rungs of Hollywood celebrity. (Both have starred in reality dating competitions within the last decade.)

Next week, Hillary Clinton will be named the Democratic party’s nominee for President, finally kicking off the two-horse race that will extend to November’s election.

Bernie Sanders, her closest rival for the nomination, is scheduled to speak at the DNC, as will President Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, and former President Bill Clinton.

Some of Sanders’ never-say-die fans are plotting a “fart-in” to protest Clinton’s selection as nominee. Yes, it is exactly what it sounds like.

The American political machine lurches ever forward.

Photo: RNC.