Don’t Panic, But… Americas Nukes Are Still Run By Floppy Disks

A new government report has confirmed that America’s nuclear forces rely on 8-inch floppy disks. (Because, apparently, Betamax players were too technologically advanced?)

Floppy-disks, for those lucky enough to have never contended with them, only hold 80kb of data. That’s… not a lot of data.

Still, the news should come as cold comfort to the rest of the world ahead of the impending U.S. election, where Yanks face the prospect of handing Donald Trump the nuclear codes.

The Washington Post, however, is here to assuage the planet’s fears, kinda. The reason the Pentagon has not yet phased out floppy disks carrying the “operational functions of the United States’ nuclear forces” – and doesn’t plan to until the end of 2017’s fiscal year – is because “sometimes… low tech is safer tech.”

(BUT IS IT?)

True, it’s pretty hard to hack a floppy disk. However, it is also very easy to accidentally snap them, as anyone who ever got frustrated with Doom back in the day remembers. (If you do not remember, it merely means you are not 1000 years old, so don’t feel too bad about it.)

Safety-aside, the United States Government Accountability Office’s report encourages the requisite agencies to update their tech.

The good news is that they plan to do so within the next year. However, that’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to necessary enhancements. The GAO also found that “each of the 12 selected agencies reported using unsupported operating systems and components in their fiscal year 2014”.

Oooh boy.

Photo: Universal.