America Just Discovered “Magpie Swooping Season” Is A Thing Down Under

It has begun.

Though most Americans are already in agreement that much of Australia’s flora and fauna is designed to kill and maim tourists, the New York Times has just informed them of another deadly threat: magpies.

In their just-published exposé, the NYT educates their readers on Australia's “native magpie” and its “beady red-brown eyes”, with the kind of prose usually reserved for war correspondence.

“During the spring swooping season, victims of attacks update online maps with nest locations in order to warn others of the danger from above,” they write.

“Principals put their bodies on the line to protect students. Talk radio shows are flooded with dramatic swoop stories.”

It gets scarier.

“Professor [Darryl] Jones [of Brisbane’s Griffith University] and his students recently discovered a magpie’s ability to recognise and remember human faces, occasionally singling out individuals for escalated attacks season after season.”

Wait a second – what?

The Grey Lady at least paints Aussies heroically in the face of this sentient, vengeful, flying evil.

“When heading into a swoop zone, generations of schoolchildren… wore empty plastic ice cream buckets as hats with crude eyes drawn on,” it explains.

“The theory: a magpie won’t attack if it thinks it is being watched, and if it does, you have the ice cream bucket to protect you.

“Other methods include waving a stick in the air or opening an umbrella. During the season it is common for cyclists, adults and children alike, to ride around with a forest of zip ties protruding from their helmets.”

See a version of that in action below. It is like staring directly into the face of terror.

FYI, Victoria’s state government has helpfully outlined this season’s ‘no go’ zones based on recent swoops, with a 2016 Magpie Map.

Don't laugh: This week, a three-year-old girl was left with a gash on her face following an attack in New South Wales.

Seriously, grab your helmets.

Photo: iStock.