The Australian Government Wants Morrissey And Brigitte Bardot To Understand Why It's Culling Two Million Feral Cats

In what would have been the unlikeliest news item of the day if a chicken hadn't been revealed to be running a company’s Twitter account, the Australian government has defended their decision to kill two million feral cats to singer Morrissey and actress Brigitte Bardot.

The culling of the cats was announced back in July, as an effort to protect the 70 mammal, bird and plant species at risk of extinction.

Federal environment minister Greg Hunt revealed that animals such as the numbat, the greater bilby, the golden bandicoot and the western quoll, among others, would be the first priority. A number of “feral cat-free enclosures” will be established for the endangered species, in addition to the cat cull.

The Smiths’ frontman – and famous vegetarian - Morrissey is not on board with this plan.

“We all know that the idiots rule the earth, but this is taking idiocy just too far,” he said in a statement.

“The cats, who keep the rodent population under control, will be killed in a ferocious manner, using Compound 10/80, which is a gut-wrenching poison of the most unimaginable and lengthy horror.”

Meanwhile, French screen legend Bardot sent a letter direct to Minister Hunt, describing his plan as “animal genocide.”

“Your country is sullied by the blood of millions of innocent animals so please, don’t add cats to this morbid record,” it read.

The Government – perhaps fans of Bardot’s Viva Maria! and The Smiths’ Meat Is Murder – tried to get the two vocal animal rights supporters back on side with a formal letter from threatened species commissioner Gregory Andrews.

The letters, seen by Guardian Australia, start with a bit of flattery: “I would like to commend you for your commitment to, and advocacy for, animals and their welfare.”

“We don’t want to lose any more species… It is with this sentiment in mind that the Australian government has taken a stance on feral cats; for the protection of our native species that belong here.”

Best to wait until PETA representative Pamela Anderson chimes in before you pick a side in the matter.