America Is Disrespecting Australia and Our NBA Champ Ben Simmons With Poor Meat Pie-Eating Efforts

What have they done to our precious pies?

In case you haven’t been following along with the NBA season, Melbourne’s own Ben Simmons—last year’s #1 draft pick—has become an early superstar.

And deservedly so.

He has risen so swiftly among the championship-starved Philadelphia 76ers, they’ve started selling Four’N Twenty meat pies at their home games, to honour their new Aussie saviour.

What this means, however, is that American punters are coming face to face with the Aussie meat pie for the first time. And they have no idea how to eat them.

Darren Rovell, an honest-to-goodness ESPN journalist, even gave one a taste test in the comfort of his own home, and though he offered the pie a positive review, the disrespectful way in which he tore into it—with a knife!—has earned him the ire of Australian Twitter.

(He also complains about eating it at 8:18am, not realising that party pies are a timeless 'morning tea' treat.)

The @sixers, inspired by Australian star Ben Simmons, are now selling Meat Pies at their games. I put them to the taste test this morning. pic.twitter.com/vgtSDaeLcv

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) November 20, 2017

In case you can’t bring yourself to watch the above video, here’s an image of Rovell cutting the pie in half, and then in half again.

I cannot even find the words to describe what’s happening in this tableau.

In case you were wondering, no, he didn’t even squirt some tomato sauce on top.

You are hereby sentenced to another seven years of Trump.

— Steve Smith (@stevesmithffx) November 21, 2017

Thankfully, someone got the Queensland Police involved.

Steady on, you could get cautioned for treating a meat pie like that 😲 #FreshPrince https://t.co/o0SgyKxqat

— Queensland Police (@QldPolice) November 20, 2017

I have been destroyed all day for how I apparently tested out the Australian meat pie being offered at 76ers games. Now that the police are involved, I would like to extend my sincere apologies. https://t.co/HNa24A5YGc

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) November 20, 2017

Another journalist from NBC also had a crack at eating a meat pie. Try not to cry when you read this sentence from their report: "I was forced to use my hands to break and eat the rest of it following several unsuccessful attempts to cut bite-sized pieces with the tools I had."

That's it. We're taking the pies back, by force if necessary.

Read More:

How to Eat a Meat Pie (Because Apparently Americans Don't Know)

Photo: Twitter (@FOURNTWENTY)