Album Review: “Harry Styles” Can’t Compete with the Ghosts of Zayn Malik and Taylor Swift

Zayn wins.

We lost so many careers in the Boy Band Battles of the ‘90s and early aughts—from J.C. Chasez to A.J. McLean to literally every member of 5ive—it’s almost a relief to have an early victor in the simmering Zayn Malik vs. Harry Styles duel.

The former co-members of One Direction had to know that the culture is rarely kind to more than one burgeoning boy band escapee at a time.

For instance, of the dozens of synchronised singers and dancers who competed for solo careers over the past two decades, only Justin Timberlake and Robbie Williams managed to eke out individual icon status.

Brian Littrell fled to the safe haven of Christian rock, while Nick Lachey put his efforts into farming cannabis. Meanwhile, Joey Fatone volunteered for two separate seasons of Dancing with the Stars, before touring Dancing with the Stars at Sea aboard a Scandinavian cruise ship. War is hell.

If none of those names ring a bell, that means only you were born after the year 2000, and were spared the drama (and all-in-white album covers) that came to define and divide late 20th century boy-pop. But history is indeed repeating itself, with Harry Styles releasing his debut solo record in the shadow of Zayn’s incredible recent run of singles and duets. For the longest time, everyone assumed Harry was 1D’s best shot at a breakout star. You know who they said about in NSYNC? Not Justin.

Styles’ first single “Sign of the Times” was a tantalising tease that echoed early David Bowie and late ABBA, distinguishing Harry as an individual persona from his fellow Directioners by offering him a bed of wailing, Queen-y guitars to rest his lilting falsetto. At a slowly-escalating six minutes, it sounded unlike anything else at the top of the charts. Now, it’s unlike anything else on his anaemic, unstuck-from-time, self-titled solo album.

It’s followed here by “Carolina”, an asinine reworking of Stealers Wheel’s “Stuck in the Middle with You” and The Beatles’ “Taxman”; a combo that’s not nearly as successful as “Sign of the Times”’ marriage of “Life on Mars” with “The Winner Takes It All”.

“Only Angel” and “Kiwi” are failed attempts to paint Styles as a modern Casanova, atop positively ancient blues-rock designed specifically to repel his adoring fanbase. In each, he admires girls who are, respectively, worth “getting… stuck in between my teeth” and “a pretty face, on a pretty neck”. (“Pretty neck”?) Harry compliments women like aliens describe human bodies.

"Kiwi" at least offers the album’s most interesting lyrical reveal, recounting a run-in with a woman who tells him, “I’m having your baby, it’s none of your business.” Now that’s the kind of report-from-the-frontlines of peak fandom Harry should be offering.

Instead, he retreats to vaguely suggestive references to his “relationship” with Taylor Swift on at least three songs (“Two Ghosts”, “Sweet Creature” and “Ever Since New York”), despite the fact, umm, they were only together for a few weeks in 2012. At least when Swift churns her romantic life into content, it yields irresistible hooks (and similarly irresistible media narratives).

Perhaps the closest we come to seeing the “real” Harry is in the confessional opening and closing acoustic tracks, “Meet Me in the Hallway” and “From the Dining Table”. On “Hallway”, producer Jeff Bhasker has Harry sounding somewhat removed. By the time “Dining Table” rolls around, Styles is whispering to us at the forefront of the audio mix, ASMR-style. At least it feels intimate.

Zayn’s album Mind of Mine was hardly impressive, save for its sleepy-sexy single, “PILLOWTALK”. However, he followed it up immediately with a series of soundtrack appearances and collaborations that affirmed him as a charismatic crooner. On the other hand, Styles’ record positions him as a sub-Sheeran faux-rocker. Turns out "Sign of the Times" and the androgynous subversion of the album cover art were misdirections. On Harry Styles, he's more interested in recreating the unconvincingly-edgy character from Taylor Swift’s “Style”.

Some may say it’s premature to give Zayn the solo crown. Others might desperately insist 1D could produce multiple superstars, history be damned. But listening to Harry Styles only made me wonder if Joey Fatone has a spare seat on that cruise ship going.

2/5

Harry Styles is now available.

Photo: Columbia