Worried About NAPLAN? Here Are Some Snarky Tips From a Renowned Academic

Dr Perelman has called the NAPLAN "bizarre" and "absurd", but he knows how to beat it.

A renowned academic from the United States' MIT University, Dr Les Perelman, has released a report in which he reveals that the NAPLAN essay test "fails to be a valid measure of any serious formulation of writing ability."

Dr Perelman told the ABC that the essay test "is one of the strangest writing tests [he has] ever seen" and called it "reductive and anachronistic."

Since being introduced in 2008, the NAPLAN has been criticised by teachers, students, parents and academics who have argued that it isn't in the interests of students or the education system.

The NSW Teachers Federation's president, Maurie Melheron, is one of those critics and told The Australian that the test was "devised by politicians who deliberately set out to exploit ­parents’ concerns and fears about schooling."

But if you can't beat it, join it and that's exactly what Dr Perelman's tips set out to do. If you choose to heed his advice, read on.

First off, Dr Perelman recommends learning the list of 'Difficult and Challenging Spelling Words' (see page 35 in this report) and using them throughout, regardless if they really make sense or not. He cautions, however, that it's not worth using a word if you don't know how to spell it.

Next, he believes that connecting sentences or ideas is important. His example is pretty clear: "Although these instructions are stupid, they will produce a high mark on the NAPLAN essay."

Begin sentences with phrases like "I believe that" and "In my opinion" as well as connective words such as "However" and "In addition", according to Dr Perelman.

If you're talking about a dog, use at least one adjective to describe it ('two' would be the sweet spot). For instance, the "dog" could be the "timid, fluffy dog".

In terms of everyone's least favourite part of an essay, the conclusion, Dr Perelman suggests writing "In conclusion" and then repeating your introduction's argument with a line or two from your other points. Simple, really.

But remember, Dr Perelman thinks that you should never write like this outside of a NAPLAN test (the real world). 

If you choose, brush up on all of Dr Perelman's tip on page 38 of his report.

Photo: iStock.com/jatuphol