What To Do When A Friendship Falls Apart

I am currently in a friendship some would label a dying one.

The line is still a little blurred for the both of us I think, which is why neither has offered any actual solution or even a say in on the situation.

But it has got me thinking: Is there such thing as a failed friendship?

Sure, there’s that one person you just didn’t get along with and are now only an acquaintance of, but is there really anyone you can look at and say, “My friendship with you was a failure.”

Until now, I thought so. Then I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture.

I have known this girl ever since beginning high school last year. She has taught me a lot and we’ve created memories together. I can remember in those moments with her, it felt like this would last forever and that’s a feeling I wasn’t used to. It made me feel alive and in the moment.

Because of that happiness, I was led to bigger opportunities I wouldn’t have noticed with my head down. Looking back now, maybe the flaws were there all along, yet at the time, they were too damn small compared to the laughs and the Polaroids to look back on later.

I am a firm believer in the Butterfly Effect, but I don’t necessarily think that’s why I wouldn’t change a friendship. Even if I look back and wish something could go differently, maybe she would look back and think how that moment shaped her.

Friendship is a valuable thing and I get that it sometimes won’t work out. I have that feeling right now, not because I don’t like this girl but for the complete opposite reason. I value her too much and we are heading in different directions, learning different things. That doesn’t mean we can’t catch up for coffee; it just means we are letting go of the leash a little. If we end up wanting back in, that’s great. If not, we can’t say we didn’t try.

However, I do think there can be such thing as a toxic friendship and I know about that too. I was in a friendship with a group of girls who couldn’t care less what I thought or even if they hurt my feelings. I gave them so much of me and even gave up some of who I am and the feelings were not reciprocated one bit.

If you are in that position, I know you will hear people say, “They’re just jealous,” and, “They don’t deserve you.” My mum told me that and I laughed at her. But it’s true! Trust me.

I guess you could call that a failed friendship, and to be honest, I wouldn’t argue a whole lot. But I learnt a lot from that friendship which made me appreciate all the other people in my life who generally cared about me.

It’s right to be disappointed and a little bit mad, and it can feel like it was all worth nothing after a falling out or even just an agreed goodbye. But when the dust settles, it wasn’t a failure. It was another lesson learnt.

Being young and naive, we need those lessons even though they can feel like a hole in the head. They are worthwhile.

So I am going to tell you this: If your friendship is going nowhere, take a step back and make a decision. And if that decision is that what you have is worth fighting for it, go for it. If it’s that maybe you should go your different ways, then talk it out. And if it’s toxic don’t waste your time. But mostly, remember that nothing is without reason.

Congratulations to Hannah for winning this writing challenge, answering: When Friendships Fail. Hannah wins a $50 Westfield gift card. For your chance to win, check out our latest writing challenges in our Comps section. Also, be sure to follow this guide on how to win the writing challenge!