What People Don't Understand About Anxiety

You might get stressed before an exam, feel butterflies before you see that person you have a crush on, or become nervous when you’ve done something wrong.

I get nervous too. But there comes a point when nerves aren’t normal anymore, and it becomes anxiety.

To me, anxiety is getting nervous for no reason. I’m talking about heart racing, stomach churning “nerves”. I used to try to rationalise these feelings, which could sometimes last for days.

“Maybe I feel this way because I did something I shouldn’t have?” “Maybe I look funny?” “Are my opinions wrong?”

I’ve since come to realise that this constant state of stimulation - of ruminating on what I have or haven’t done - isn’t felt by everyone. And that can be one of the hardest things to come to grips with; that what is happening to you isn’t something everyone else experiences.

Sometimes people with anxiety will shut down. It can be exhausting trying to appear normal when your mind is chattering constantly, especially when that chatter is usually negative. So for other people, it can be frustrating being friends with someone with anxiety.

They might seem like they can’t be bothered with you some days. They may cancel plans at the last minute. Sometimes they call you in the middle of the night when they’re having an anxiety attack, just to hear a familiar voice, which might actually help calm them down. Having a friend with anxiety can feel like being friends with the most selfish person on earth. Trust me: we’re aware of it, and we don’t like it.

However, it’s not something we can switch on and off. And because we’re aware of it, we start to worry about whether you still want to be friends with us, even though you may not have given any indication otherwise.

Being anxious isn’t a choice. The chemicals in our brains are mixed up. It’s like depression, schizophrenia, or any other mental illness. Just because it’s all in our head doesn’t mean it’s not real.

For those who have learnt how to manage their anxiety, it’s not always a constant presence in our lives. Yet, that can make it even harder. People don’t understand why you were fine to do something yesterday, but not today.

When the anxiety is there, we don’t need you to fix things, or tell us we’re worrying for nothing. We probably know our anxiety isn’t rational; we just can’t always get past it. All we need is someone to be there for us.

If you want to help, listen to us at 11pm, 3am, midday – whenever we call. Sit with us when we’re shaking; when we feel like we’re drowning; when we can’t catch our breath. Understand that we know we’re difficult to be friends with sometimes, and we hate that; it feeds our anxiety even more. But underneath it all, we’re human.

We have our flaws, but also our strengths and redeeming qualities. And if you keep us around, you’ll probably gain a pretty cool friend in the end. With help, anxiety can be managed – and things only get better from there.

For information on counselling and treatment plans you can contact your school’s health services, organisations, and helplines:

Beyond Blue

Headspace

Kids Helpline

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