China Battles Roaming Gangs Of Dancing Grannies

Hide your kids. Hide your wife.

The one hundred million nans of China are heading out into the streets to perform organised dance routines, despite protests against the loudness of their music.

According to the New York Times, this has enraged the previously tranquil neighbourhoods now overrun with older women - gasp - enjoying themselves.

The "dancing grannies" have, for a number of years, brought amplified music with them to public arenas as a soundtrack for their synchronised dance moves.

The level of rage it has inspired is puzzling, to say the least.

In 2013, a Beijing man was arrested after firing a shotgun in the air to scare away the wild pack of nans. Over in Wuhan, residents of a building dumped excrement onto the dancing women below.

The Chinese government, peculiarly, is taking the side of the people using feces as a weapon.

New regulations, developed following a joint study by the General Administration of Sport and the Ministry of Culture, seek to limit the creativity of the dancing; in fact, an expert panel will now be teaching 12 model routines for the nans to perform, rather than allowing them the freedom to devise their own.

For what it's worth, the Chinese media - who have long poked fun at the "dancing grannies" - have now come to their defence.

(They particularly bristle at the regulations given that the dance troupes act as both a much-needed form of fitness and social activity for the retirees, many of whom were forced out of the workplace in their mid-50s.)

Also, as many have noted, the regulated routines do nothing to stem the actual problem: it's not the dance moves the public are bothered by, but the noise.

We say: dance on, nans of China!