Movie Review: Welcome to the #Resistance "Robin Hood"

History’s most famous thief—apologies to the Ocean siblings—gets another big screen reinvention, but really, the makers have merely tinkered under the Hood.

Robin of Loxley is back, baby, but this isn’t your granddaddy’s Robin Hood. It’s not even your slightly older brother’s Robin Hood. (Did you forget Russell Crowe tried on Hood’s 11th-century-f***boi look just eight years ago?)

This latest iteration of the classic folk story comes from director Otto Bathurst, and stars Taron Egerton, better known for playing Eggsy in the Kingsman series, as Robin. It’s gritty and video-gamey and also stars Jamie Foxx as Little John.

Those updates aside, Robin Hood delivers few surprises. After all, there are only so many ways you can reupholster this particular outfit, and we already got the musical spoof back in 1993. (Men in Tights: still slaps.)

In his opening narration, Tim Minchin (playing a part Russell Brand might have once begged for: scraggly Friar Tuck) tries to shake off the cobwebs and have us approach Robin’s legend with fresh eyes. He tells us to forget everything we thought we knew about the 11th century Crusades (done.) though forgetting the ingrained Robin Hood story is not so easy. The screenplay, by Ben Chandler and David James Kelly, can reorder the beats, but not our memories.

As this picture tells it, Sir Robin of Loxley is radicalised to battle his own government after being drafted to fight for England in the Holy Lands. After questioning his nation’s—and the Church’s—motives and inciting a treasonous skirmish, he’s sent home, finding the townspeople stretched thin by the exorbitant war taxes levied by the Sheriff of Nottingham (Ben Mendelsohn). With the help of a freed enemy soldier (Foxx), Robin plots to deplete the Sheriff’s funds and return them to the people, ending the war effort at the same time. He’s also eager to win back his old girlfriend, Marion (Eve Hewson), who’s now with some dude called Will Scarlett. Jamie Dornan, from the 50 Shades franchise, plays Will, and he’s cucked so consistently by Robin you’d think it was another one of his kinks.

Wait… this Robin Hood is about the forceful redistribution of wealth, incited by a liberal elite and his friend the Muslim soldier, and their enemy is a dog-whistling despot pushing a new tax bill with support from a corrupt evangelical Church? Welcome to the #resistance, Robin Hood. Obviously, a lot of these elements from the story (and from history) have remained set in stone for more than a millennium. However, it’s easy to imprint recent 'Trump' and 'Brexit'-related events on proceedings. That is, if you want to flavour Robin Hood for relevancy, because the movie doesn’t do much of that for you.

Bathurst tries to bring a little spice with his direction, taking inspiration from modern action flicks, with an immersive, Hurt Locker-inspired scene of Middle Eastern military combat, and even an equestrian cart chase that apes Fast & Furious. (Can a horse drift? Find out!) Given how he directed the first, best, darkest episode of Black Mirror, you would have thought he’d bring some idiosyncratic personality or strangeness as well. Instead, he just brings violence; Hood murders with abandon, and it’s pretty off-putting.

The film itself is also humourless, though seemingly made by funny people. While interrogating a suspect in front of a Roman cardinal, Robin screams, “Confess”, which suggests the screenwriters have a passing familiarity with Monty Python. In that case, of course, it was the Spanish inquisition, not the Roman one, but as Minchin’s narration already insisted, being detail-oriented is for the birds.

The cast can only do so much. For the first act, a pouty Egerton leaves every scene in a huff; it’s not until much later, when he gets to play 'cocky' as the 'Bruce Wayne' version of Sir Robin (trying to throw everyone off the scent of his secret identity), that he gets to do what he does best. Hewson retains her dignity, and it was neat to see her play a character with more confidence than her nervy nurse from The Knick. Yet best of all is Ben Mendelsohn, who is gifted numerous scene-chewing speeches that always veer off into him describing how he’s been tortured or how he’s planning on torturing others. You can imagine Dornan, off-screen, salivating.

2.5/5

In Australian cinemas 22 November. Rated M for mature themes and violence.