How To Deal With Verbal Abuse (In Real Life Or Online)

We've all dealt with it at one point in our lives, whether from friends, siblings, parents or even total strangers; in real life and online.

However, we may not have known at the time that what was happening to us was verbal abuse.

In this article, I'd like to provide some helpful tips on how to identify and deal with verbal abuse. But before I start, I would like to say above all else, it is critical to never believe the abusive things people say, whether it is too you or about you. You are beautiful and intelligent and important; never let anyone convince you otherwise.

So how do we identify verbal abuse?

Collins English Dictionary says it is "abuse or insults made using language, [unlike] physical abuse." What we consider abusive will vary from person to person. The context in which something is said and who said it (to whom) are all factors that influence how we define verbal abuse.

Basically, if someone says something mean or derogatory to you and it offends or hurts you in a serious way, or you feel they have crossed a line, consider that verbal abuse (whether it was meant to harm or not). In the end, the recipient of the comment holds the right to decide whether it is verbal abuse or not.

How do you stop it?

Now, like I mentioned before, not all people say mean things with the intent of verbally abusing you. We all have that one friend who always takes it a little too far.

In an ideal situation where you feel comfortable, confronting your assailant it is the best thing to do and can be as simple as telling the person that what they’ve said is not okay. Often times, people are verbally abusive because they are unaware of what they are doing, or that it can be a punishable crime, in extreme cases. Calling them out on it can effectively stop the abuse.

However if the person hurting you is bigger or stronger or older and you feel that speaking to them about the problem would be unsafe, it is best to try and avoid direct conflict. If this is the case – or if confronting the person doesn’t work - alerting someone is the next step.

Ideally, it would be best to tell someone who has authority over the person or the situation - this includes website administrators; the 'report' button is your friend - but in the end, simply speak to whomever you are comfortable with, and move up from there.

You’re not alone.

Sometimes it’s easier telling someone like a parent, teacher or boss with a friend beside you.

If taking the problem to these authoritative figures fails to end the verbal abuse, then it may be appropriate to alert higher authorities such as the police. This can seem scary, but remember that if you feel threatened, you are well within your rights to seek help from the law. Even though it might not seem that way, the law is on your side, designed to protect you.

There are other simple ways of avoiding and dealing with verbal abuse such as travelling in 'packs', where you are less of a target, and addressing problems when they arise before the issue escalates and turns into verbal abuse.

The one thing you can always control is the way you react, and what you say to others. Just like others might not realise what they are doing, you might not either. And what you think is just a joke or a bit of fun could be received by someone else as verbal abuse.

If you watch the way you act, and make sure your friends do the same, this will have a domino effect. And if there are no attackers, there are no victims.

If you or anyone you know needs help, support is available right now. Call Lifeline on 131 114 or Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800.

For more information on counselling and treatment plans you can contact your school’s health services as well as the following organisations:

Beyond Blue

Headspace

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Photo: iStock.