All The Elements of An Australian Christmas Day, Ranked

Christmas ham is goated.

Christmas is nearly here, and you know what that means – a hot day filled with swimming, family, pressies and ham.

There’s a lot to look forward to, so we ranked ten key elements of every Aussie Christmas day, so you know exactly what to look forward to this Sunday.

10. Whenever anyone brings up politics – 0/10.

Christmas can be, well, a minefield. Everyone’s got different opinions, experiences and politics.

Throw all your aunties, uncles, cousins and grandparents in a room and it’s like an MMA cage match waiting to happen.

Be careful this year, because we’ve had a major federal election, plenty of political controversy and alleged corruption and a major international war.

Someone at the lunch table is gonna be rearing to go.

9. The repetitive questions – 2/10.

Look, Christmas is all about family, and we love them. But their conversational skills could use some work.

Every year, we get to Christmas lunch and face the same questions year after year.

“How’s middle school going?”

“Uncle Jim, I’m 19.”

We’re not saying the time spent with family is no good – just the opposite. But it would be great if we could all get our facts sorted pre-Christmas this year.

Enough questions, let's eat.

8. Christmas Crackers – 5/10.

An iconic element of any Christmas table setting, a Christmas cracker (or Bon-Bon, if you’re fancy) can be hit or miss.

From the varying quality of plastic prizes to the flimsy paper crowns and the jokes so bad they’re good.

These ones get a five out of ten, mostly because once Christmas day rolls around, most of us can’t wait to put our multicoloured crown on.

Plus, how good does it feel when you win?

7. A trip to the beach – 6/10.

Other countries might have snow, but Australia has the best Christmas weather of all.

It’s a pilgrimage for so many Australians to pile up the fam and head down to the beach, Santa hats on.

The only reason this isn’t higher up the list is really because sometimes the heat is just too much – but this year, with beautiful weather forecasted across the nation, it’s gonna be a bloody bonza.

6. Someone dressing up as Santa – 7/10.

You know the drill – sometimes it’s dad, sometimes it’s your uncle. Occasionally it’s even your mum.

Every year, without fail, someone’s gonna don the red hat, pants and jacket, put on the voice and start handing out presents.

It can go anywhere from intensely awkward to goddamn hilarious, depending on how much they really go for the Santa vibes.

5. The Christmas tunes – 8/10.

Yeah, we can all get a bit sick of this one, but don’t tell me when Christmas Day rolls around you’re not out there belting out “All I Want For Christmas Is You”.

There’s some serious bangers come Christmastime, especially in Australia.

Whether you’re a fan of “How To Make Gravy”, “Last Christmas” or going back to the classics with “Six White Boomers”, there’s something for everyone.

4. Getting the gang back together - 9/10.

Rocking up to Christmas lunch, we all know who we’re there for - the gang of cousins and siblings we only get to put together a couple times a year.

Every year, everyone knows where the true vibes are at – the kids’ table.

Forget the stress and seriousness of the adults table, join in on the fun and get the gang back together.

3. The post lunch nap – 9.5/10.

It’s a big day.

Food, heat, swimming, family interactions and gift-giving can take it out of you, so a major feature of Christmas day has to be the post-lunch nap.

This could fight for a 10/10 ranking, but the only reason it’s lost half a point is because sometimes, the experience of coming out of that nap feels like you’ve just time travelled and have no clue where you are.

Nonetheless, you know where I'll be 4pm on December 25.

 

2. The food – 10/10.

We know why we’re here – family time is all well and good, presents are just fine, but the star of the show has to be the food.

There’s turkey, potatoes, salad, and the classic prawn (no, not shrimp) on the barbie on offer, and honestly, I could take it all.

There’s a reason I need a sizeable nap after lunch.

1. The ham – 15/10.

Yeah, I did just go on about the rest of the food, but if this list needs a crown, it has to go to the Christmas ham.

It’s the centrepiece, the highlight, the thing we all look forward to the most.

And really, it’s the gift that keeps on giving, with leftover ham making an appearance in lunch sandwiches well into January.

I swear, if I could eat one thing for the rest of my life, it’d be Christmas ham.