Can You Buy Human Organs on the Internet? We Checked

Get'cha organs here!

This post is presented in partnership with Donor Mate.

As we all learned during our period of isolation at home, you can basically buy all the essentials you'll ever need via the internet.

Pasta? Bought it. Puzzles? Bought 'em. Erotic Nicolas Cage pillowcases? Bought 'em. Cat butt tissue holders? Bought 'em. Edible Tiger King cake toppers? Bought 'em. Nine Inch Nails-branded dirt that costs $US195? Actually that was sold out. But everything else, we got.

It made us wonder: Can you really buy anything online? Because, truth be told, we wouldn't mind getting our hands on some guts.

No look, it's cool. We don't want to do anything weird with them. We just think it would be nice to give them to someone who'd appreciate them, like one of the 1,500 people who are waiting for a life-saving organ transplant in Australia at this very moment. And if some random entrepreneur out there is already willing to sell their own intestines, well, why not let us take them off their hands and put them to good use?

We're not just interested in guts, either. We'll take a heart, a kidney, a lung, or even a pancreas if you've got one going. It’s one thing to hoard old iPhone chargers in your lifetime, and another to hoard your organs in the grave (or send them off to be barbequed during cremation).

So, in the same way that people began stockpiling toilet paper during the coronavirus pandemic, we tried to see how many human organs we could snatch up online.

Our first step was to just ask Google if they could point us in the right direction. Sadly, they mistook us for Premier League fans.

Next, we went to one of the major supermarket chains to see if we could perhaps get a few valves delivered in the next grocery run.

Then we turned to eBay, but our searches for "organs" only yielded this. We dug into eBay’s Customer Service guidelines, where we found their "Human body parts policy", which explained why: "We don't allow the sale of human bodies, body parts, or products made from the human body on eBay." (Interestingly though, they do allow products containing human scalp hair, so we'll hold onto that piece of information until it becomes useful.)

Our next destination was Amazon, which turned out to be slightly more lenient. In the United States at least, they not only allow the sale of human hair but also skulls, bones and skeletons for "medical purposes". But if you sign into your Amazon account seeking blood, eggs, organs, sperm or tissue, you’re out of luck: those items (along with human remains, waste and bodily fluids) are all considered restricted products. Same goes in Australia, with one exception: here, you can’t even buy the skulls, bones or skeletons. Bummer.

What about Gumtree? Let's say you’re scouring the classifieds site because you need a lung, stat. What if some dude in the next suburb over has one going spare? We’re sorry to say that Gumtree users aren’t allowed to post blood, bodily fluids or body parts, and that goes for both "offering or wanted ads".

That seemingly left us with only one option: the dark web. Only problem: uhh, we didn't know how to get there.

Basically, we failed. So, where does that leave those of us who want to provide people with replacement parts? With only eight per cent of people aged 18 – 24 registered to be organ donors, we felt a duty to play our part somehow... 

Oh, duh doy, we can register as organ donors through a site like Donor Mate (who can answer any questions you may have). Huh. That seems way easier, now that we think of it.

C’mon, mate! Register to be an organ donor today. What are you waiting for? It won’t kill you. But when something else does, your bits and pieces could help save the lives of 10 or more other Aussies. How cool is that? Register now.

Header Image: magicmine via Getty Images