Yo, Teach? Here Are All the Uncool Things Josh Radnor’s Character Does in the "Rise" Pilot

The How I Met Your Mother star plays a teacher who makes nine astoundingly bad moves in just one episode.

Rise is the new show from Jason Katims, creator of all-time TV tearjerkers Friday Night Lights and Parenthood. Given that pedigree, we fully expect to be whimpering messes by the end of Rise's debut season, which premiered on streaming service Stan yesterday and will roll-out new episodes weekly.

There’s a lot to like about the first episode. For instance, it’s like Glee except serious. It has a diverse cast of impressive young performers, including trans actor Ellie Desautels and actual Moana. And it stars Josh Radnor, who, like David Schwimmer on Friends before him, was a major, underappreciated cog in How I Met Your Mother. (*Salutes* Major Underappreciated Cog.)

The thing is, Radnor’s character—high school musical director Lou Mazzuchelli—makes so many uncool moves in the pilot, it's genuinely astounding.

We don't mean "uncool" as in "oh, Ted Mosby is so uncool," either. We mean "uncool" like "oh, Lou Mazzuchelli should be straight-up fired."

The show is based on Michael Sokolove’s book Drama High, which documented the "incredible true story" of "brilliant teacher" Lou Volpe. But this isn't a documentary. For instance, the real-life Volpe is gay, while Radnor’s renamed and fictionalised version is straight.

So, we're gonna go ahead and assume Volpe didn't make quite as many blunders in as short a period of time as Mazzuchelli does here. Count 'em with us.

(Spoilers for the pilot of Rise ahead.)

1. He undercuts a colleague and negotiates himself out of a raise.

The pilot begins with Mazzuchelli hoping to realise his dream of directing a high school musical. He tells his principal to give him the gig, instead of his better-equipped colleague Tracey Wolfe (Rosie Perez). The principal immediately says yes… because Mazzuchelli will do the job for $2,000, as opposed to Wolfe, who was being paid $4,000. Then Lou embarrassingly tells Tracey "he’s taking over the theatre department" in front of all her students, after effectively stripping $2,000 from the musical’s budget. How much had he previously directed to earn him the promotion? "Honestly not that much." Way to fail up, Lou.

2. He disrespects Grease.

Upon getting the gig, Lou tells the students—already midway through rehearsals for Grease—that they’ll be doing Spring Awakening instead. Look, Spring Awakening is great! But Grease does not deserve the disrespect of Josh Radnor. "Sandy"? "Hopelessly Devoted to You"? "There Are Worse Things I Could Do"? Did he not see the 2016 live TV adaptation starring Vanessa Hudgens (which should have earned her an Emmy and the freaking Academy Award in some newly-created television-musical category)? BTW, Grease Live was helmed by Hamilton director Thomas Kail. And if it’s good enough for him…

3. He flunks a footballer and then blackmails him into auditioning for the show.

When Lou can’t find a suitable lead actor for the show, he becomes obsessed with hiring rapping quarterback Robbie (Damon J. Gillespie). He does so by flunking him (admittedly, Robbie regularly falls asleep in class), which gets him suspended from a big game. Lou then offers to let him resit his last test in exchange for an audition.

4. He demotes his closeted lead actor because he doesn’t have "sexual tension" with the ladies.

These are his students and that is a weird thing to say about them.

5. He interrupts a champion footballer’s gym sesh to give him the show’s lead role.

Robbie was mid-chest press!

6. He openly endangers the coach’s livelihood.

Nervous about losing Robbie to Spring Awakening, the football coach confides in Lou (okay, threateningly) that he needs his winning player to keep his job and support his wife and kids. The man has children to feed, Mazzuchelli!

7. He invites a homeless kid to live with him without telling the rest of the Mazzuchelli family first.

That's very generous, but you really shouldn’t spring this kind of thing on your wife and children. Also, the kid is a student. Does this need to be run past the school? Or anyone?

8. He (indirectly) inspires a bonfire in the school parking lot.

Sure, the students did it without him knowing, and only to protest the principal’s decision to change the provocative play to something friendlier. Still, given what we’ve seen so far, it just makes sense to blame Lou again.

9. He briefly raps "Alexander Hamilton" to his wife.

No.

Rise is now streaming on Stan.

Photo: Stan