The Simpsons Turns 30: Here Are Its 10 Most Useful Quotes in Everyday Situations

The Simpsons is celebrating its 30th anniversary after first debuting short, crude sketches on television in April of 1987.

The full episodes most of us are used to came two years later in 1989, and while its viewership has petered off in the past decade, its memorable quotes continue to be used in everyday conversations.

To celebrate three decades (!) of The Simpsons, here are the ten best bits of dialogue you can use literally everyday.

10. “You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.” – Homer Simpson (Season 5, Episode 12)

In this episode, we see Bart become famous on the Krusty the Clown show with his one-liner, "I didn't do it."

The classic Homer gag above has essentially zero to do with the episode's plot, but is incredibly useful in day-to-day situations.

When to use it? When on the phone with someone you know well. Or someone you don't know well at all. Or a telemarketer.

9. “Hi everybody!” – Dr. Nick (Probably every season)

I mean, I don’t think I remember much about Dr. Nick except for this greeting and that he's an incredibly bad (and dangerous) doctor.

In every appearance, he usually just says "Hi everybody!" to which a crowd unenthusiastically responds with "Hi Dr. Nick". It's classic Simpsons.

When to use it? This one's pretty versatile. It could be used when entering a room with friends or family. Just maybe don't say it when you enter a meeting or a classroom.

8. “My eyes! The goggles do nothing!” – Rainier Wolfcastle as Radioactive Man (Season 7, Episode 2)

Poor Rainier. This is the episode where Springfield becomes the set of the movie adaption of Radioactive Man. Bart auditions for the role of Radioactive Man's sidekick, Fallout Boy, but the role is ultimately given to his best friend Milhouse.

The above scene happens when Milhouse is supposed to save Radioactive Man, but has disappeared because he hates the role. Radioactive Man, presumably, suffers from some pretty painful burns and the movie is cancelled.

When to use it? When entering a pool filled with strong chlorine and your goggles aren't properly suctioned. Or, if you accidentally spritz some perfume in your eyes.

7. “It’s just a little slimy; it’s still good, it’s still good.” – Homer Simpson (Season 7, Episode 5)

Lisa becomes vegetarian in this episode, which sees her challenge the fam on their meat-eating habits. Homer and Bart go ahead with their plans to barbecue a whole pig, but Lisa foils their occasion, steering a tractor into the roast and sending it on a journey through the town.

When to use it? When you find some yummy food at the bottom of your bag or at the back of your fridge and you really want to eat it despite it looking a bit foul.

6. “They taste like burning” – Ralph Wiggum (Season 9, Episode 14)

In this episode, the students at Springfield Elementary School go on a field trip. While on the bus, Milhouse rolls a grapefruit down the aisle which becomes wedged under the brake pedal. When Otto, the bus driver, slams the brakes, the juice of the grapefruit goes into his eyes and they lose control and drive off a bridge.

After the children swim to a nearby island, the episode turns into a complete Simpsons re-imagination to the 1954 novel, Lord of the Flies.

When to use it? This quote is so, so relevant if you’ve ever eaten a full jalapeño or chilli. Ralph puts into words what so many of us can only feel.

5. “Can I come too?” – Nursing Home Extra (Season 5, Episode 21)

Marge suggests her father-in-law, Abe Simpson, collect her mother for a day out, as he has been feeling lonely. Abe instead brings out an older lady who isn't Marge's mother. She asks if she can join them anyway.

When to use it? Any time your friends talk about plans that you're not really invited to, and you really wanna go. Or, when your parents go out for a nice dinner and leave you to fend for yourself.

4. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: democracy simply doesn’t work.” – Kent Brockman (Season 6, Episode 14)

Bart discovers a comet heading for Springfield during his detention and Professor Frink hatches a plan to destroy it with a missile. The missile misses the comet so everyone heads to Ned Flanders' bomb shelter.

During the heat of things, Kent Brockman delivers this useful truth bomb to the residents of Springfield.

When to use it? Any time an election doesn't go the way you'd like it to, whether it's a school, uni or federal election.

3. “I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed with ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to me” – Abe Simpson (Season 7, Episode 24)

Possibly one of the realest quotes The Simpsons has provided us with. There is definitely a sense of irony with it given that all of these quotes have been taken from the golden age of the series, which was nearly 20 years ago. Am I still with it?

In this episode, Homer attempts to be cool again at the music festival Hullabalooza, but ends up joining the freak show with a cannonball-to-stomach act.

When to use it? Whenever you're feeling out of the loop with new slang or pop culture references. This tongue-twisting quote takes a while to master.

2. “You don’t win friends with salad!”– Homer, Bart and Marge Simpson (Season 7, Episode 5)

The Simpsons had plenty of catchy musical numbers, yet this was easily the show’s catchiest. This one happens a bit before the finale mentioned above where Lisa has become vegetarian.

When to use it? If someone's trying to make you eat salad when you really don't want to. Or, if someone brings salad to class or work. So many real-world applications.

1. “Won’t somebody please think of the children?!” – Helen Lovejoy (Season 7, Episode 23)

Helen Lovejoy’s most (and possibly only) memorable quote is still so relevant, it has become meme-fied.

In this episode, Mayor Quimby increases the taxes and then blames it on illegal immigrants. It’s kinda spookily relevant.

When to use it? Any time there's a moral outrage and children are brought in arbitrarily. Or, in situations where children are literally forgotten.

***

Well, there you have it. So many other quotes could have been included, but this list would then be far too 'embiggened'. Some of us have grown up with The Simpsons while others may have only heard a million of these quotes from friends and started using them. Regardless, it’s undeniable that the show has had a massive impact on pop culture.

Goodbye my Coney Island, baby!

Photo: Fox