Movie Review: The Mummy

Don’t call it a comeback, The Mummy’s been here for years. But seriously, don’t call it a comeback.

The Mummy, an original jewel in Universal Pictures’ crown, has lived many lives. Born in 1932, it was resurrected in 1999 with Brendan Fraser as the non-mummified lead, and lumbers back in 2017, this time with Tom Cruise battling the ancient, embalmed evil, now played by Sofia Boutella.

Remember: The only thing that can’t be killed in Hollywood is exploitable intellectual property.

The Fraser-fronted franchise was a period piece, yet Cruise’s new vehicle transplants the action to modern day London. But the big difference between their two takes? In this new one, the hero wants to get it on with the mummy. We all wondered why Cruise decided to take Fraser’s crumbs. Maybe the rarely-discerning Encino Man turned down this chance for mass-market necrophilia.

Directed by Alex Kurtzman, the feature is intended as the starting point for a new Marvel-esque Dark Universe series made of further reboots (and team-ups!) featuring The Invisible Man, Frankenstein’s Monster, Bride of Frankenstein, Dracula and more public domain monsters. (Technically, anyone can make a Frankenstein or Wolfman movie, which kind-of explains Rob Schneider’s The Animal, if not excuse it.)

For that to be a tantalising prospect, however, the first cab off the rank has to be pretty special. And special, The Mummy, is not.

Cruise plays Nick Morton, a soldier of fortune who uncovers the tomb of ancient Egyptian princess Ahmanet in Iraq. Alongside adventurous historian Jenny Halsey (Annabelle Wallis), he transports Ahmanet’s body back to London, where her mangled, withered frame snaps into action, strengthened by life-sucking kisses that turn some ill-fated locals into her personal zombie army.

Boutella saves the biggest, sloppiest kiss for Cruise, giving him a lengthy face-lick to demonstrate that Morton is Ahmanet’s “Chosen” partner for her impending take-over of the globe. (Her world-dominating impulses have not diminished after eons underground.) Twist: Morton’s into it. Well, he’s manipulated into wanting to serve alongside Ahmanet, with her planting candlelit fantasies in his mind of the two of them in bed. At least everyone was alive in Cruise’s other psychosexual nightmare, Eyes Wide Shut. Oh, wait, no they weren’t. Weird trend, Tom!

The only man who can shake Morton from his curse is actual Dr. Jekyll (a robust Russell Crowe), though his solution is to murder Nick before Ahmanet can use him as a vessel for an evil spirit. Nick, understandably, feels like this is a 'first draft' idea, and legs it.

I would accuse all of The Mummy of feeling like a first draft, if it hadn’t passed through the hands of David Koepp, Christopher McQuarrie and Dylan Kussman, from a story by Jon Spaihts, Jenny Lumet and Kurtzman (better known as screenwriter of Star Trek and Transformers). Can something be both overwritten and underwritten?

At its best, the flick has some of the anarchic, comic spirit of An American Werewolf in London, complete with a rotting, undead buddy, played by Jake Johnson. But it’s rarely at its best.

Boutella, a model and dancer who proved her emotional and comic chops in Star Trek Beyond, is mostly asked to be bendy here. She’s serviceably seductive. Cruise, replicating the beats that made Edge of Tomorrow such a delight, opts to play Nick Morton as a goofy, frequently grossed-out guy who can barely believe he’s caught in these supernatural circumstances. Bless him, he’s trying, and when he’s asked to run, he runs as only Cruise can. Still, the dullness of the very unfunny script (and the inertness of its narrative engine) keeps the film consistently flat.

A few sequences stand out, all of them featuring Cruise’s bouts with Ahmanet’s corpse armies. He fights some decaying skeletons in a crumbling church, and, later, on the hood of his car; the giddiness of its farcical gore evokes John Landis, briefly.

The frights, on the other hand, are non-existent. Young viewers might be disturbed by the sight of Ahmanet’s mouldy body desperately searching for new blood. Everyone else will just be depressed by the sight of a studio and star desperately doing the same.

2.5/5

In cinemas now. Rated M for supernatural themes, violence and sustained threat.

Photo: Universal