Movie Review: Jupiter Ascending

The Wachowskis are back with their weirdest movie since... well, the last one. Can Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis convince in this Matrix for the 21st century?

You’d have to be craving something highly specific and more than a little freaky to be in the mood for Jupiter Ascending, the latest multi-million-dollar weird-fest from the Wachowski siblings, Andy and Lana. If only one could have pregnancy cravings for movies. This is when Jupiter Ascending would shine.

In it, Channing Tatum plays albino half-wolf Caine Wise, tasked by an intergalactic prince to protect his late mother’s genetic equal on Earth, immigrant toilet-cleaner Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis).

By now, you’re either in or you’re out.

Jupiter is actually prized by three ancient, extra-terrestrial scions: Balem (Eddie Redmayne), a raspy, lipless despot whose relationship with his family’s matriarch was complicated to the point of homicidal; Kalique (Tuppence Middleton), eager to take over Balem’s human-harvesting plant and its resulting, ultra-profitable youth serum; and youngest (relatively speaking) brother Titus (Douglas Booth), the lothario who put Caine to work, for not entirely unselfish reasons.

Their mad scramble for the unwitting Jupiter – whom they need to relinquish ownership of the planet before they can... look, don’t ask – is interrupted by Caine, who spirits her away from prying, alien eyes and explains to her all the ways in which she's tied to the fate of all humanity.

Yet Kunis’ doe-eyed heroine can barely pay attention to her guardian across the galaxies, so distractingly pretty he is. When Tatum’s shirt comes off, audience members might similarly find his expository dialogue coming through as tinny and faint.

The Wachowskis’ seventh picture has a lot in common with its predecessors. Ms. Jones’ coronation is not so dissimilar to Neo’s rebirth as ‘The One’ in The Matrix; the idea of genetic regeneration was first explored in Cloud Atlas; and the epilepsy-inducing action sequences of Speed Racer were apparently just a test-run for the mad, eyeball-bursting set pieces here.

What I wish the Wachowskis hadn’t brought along from their previous films is the clunky dialogue. Tatum may be growing as an actor – doing transformative work as the grunting Mark Schultz in Foxcatcher – but if you are wondering if we are at a stage in our lives where we can buy him seriously discussing alien dynasties with silly names, we are not.

Kunis, meanwhile, seems thoroughly unimpressed by her green screen surroundings, which is a shame, as the visual effects are sincerely striking, Super Mario Bros. comparisons aside.

The two of them are better as a romantic pair, dutifully fawning over one another, as all attractive people plunged into perilous movie situations must.

Don’t expect the Wachowskis to make anything on this scale again. With a production budget of $176 million and not nearly the same amount in box office returns, it will be a long time before a studio trusts Andy and Lana with a blank check, as became tradition after The Matrix’s massive success.

However, glaring flaws aside, Jupiter Ascending is a unique and often very enjoyable space romp. With campy supporting performances from Redmayne – working hard to shed the skin of Stephen Hawking and going so far he winds up resembling Voldemort – and a rascally Sean Bean, Jupiter Ascending has its treasures.

Even the explosive, show-stopping battle between Caine, Jupiter and some alien hunters across the Chicago skyline should tickle the most dubious of viewers, whether they’re in the mood or not.

3/5

In cinemas. Rated M for violence and science fiction themes.