Here Are Keanu Reeves' 21 Best Quotes from "Always Be My Maybe", Ranked

He’s in it for 13 minutes and says just 486 words. Let’s feast!

On Friday, Netflix debuted the latest in its long line of pleasing, passable romantic comedies: Always Be My Maybe. And by Saturday, all our lives had changed forever.

There was no way to anticipate the seismic shift of its release; not even our anticipation for another ground-breaking rom-com with a majority Asian cast, following in the footsteps of Crazy Rich Asians, written by and starring hilarious faves Ali Wong and Randall Park.

And even while sitting through much of the film’s first hour, you wouldn’t know your world was about to be upended, because the flick, like all Netflix rom-coms, is mostly just good enough.

That is, until the 54:03 minute mark, when Keanu Reeves walks out in slow-motion and redirects the course of cinematic and human history, airlifting us all to a better, more quotable place.

For those who haven’t seen Always Be My Maybe, Ali Wong stars as Sasha, a celebrity chef who returns to San Francisco to open a new restaurant, only to bump back into her childhood friend and first love, Marcus (played by Park). After reconnecting, Marcus plans to tell her his true feelings, until Sasha says she’s started going out with a great new guy, and on a double-date with Marcus’ GF Jenny (Vivian Bang), that guy is revealed to be Keanu, playing a nuttier version of himself, who sons Marcus into oblivion.

Here's basically how every viewer reacts in unison to Reeves' arrival.

Already, Keanu’s brief appearance has inspired countless memes and GIFs. Pretty impressive when you consider the fact he is in the movie for merely 13 minutes and three seconds. (Yes, we checked.)

heaven - bryan adams pic.twitter.com/KmMtwGznc5

— keanu reeves walking to music (@keanuwtm) May 31, 2019

We also counted up his two dozen lines of dialogue and discovered that (if you don’t count his moans of pleasure while eating "the flavour of Caesar salad" at the extremely expensive molecular gastronomy bar they visit) he utters a mere 486 words throughout Always Be My Maybe.

But he makes every damn one of those words count.

So, to celebrate The Year of Our Keanu, let’s run down his 21 best quotes from Always Be My Maybe, presented without context, because you honestly don’t need them. They obviously work better when delivered by Keanu himself, and we’ve given you the exact timecode to go find his scenes; these rewritten quotes are better served for those looking to get the wording right before stitching them on a throw cushion or tattooing them to your forehead.

21. "Gene Wilder is a cinematic treasure."
22. "I'm very familiar with Chinese dignitaries."
23. "My eyes are perfect."
24. "Baby. I've missed you. I've missed you so much. I missed your heart. I missed your light. I missed your soul. I missed your spirit. I missed your eyes. I missed how you smell. God."
25. "I never cower in the face of danger."
26. "I'm feeling an energy from you, like you want to fight me man. So hit me, Come on, hit me. Hit me!"
27. "You know, the stunt coordinator for John Wick taught me this game he invented. It's called Vice Breaker. It's like Truth or Dare but a little more apocalyptic."
28. "Vice Breaker is best played at a pace, and you two are slowing it down."
29. "Whaaaat?"
30. "Let's feast!"
31. "[When Marcus reveals he once masturbated to Princess Jasmine]: A cartoon? Wow. That's disgusting."
32. "[On childhood crushes]: Mine was Mother Teresa."
33. "Men should be able to face their death head-on."
34. "[When dared to break a vase on his head]: This vase? No problem."
35. "[With Marcus in a sleeperhold]: Shh, go to sleep."
36. "The only stars that matter are the ones you look at when you dream."
37. "See that right there is what it's all about. Labouring in obscurity. Starving and struggling. The man who embraces his mediocre nothingness shines greater than any. To Marcus."
38. "Well, this has been an unfortunate turn of events. At least let me get you an Uber."
39. "It's $6400. Less than a residual paycheck for my hit movie Speed, but a little out of your ballpark. It's okay. Thank you. I'm going to get the chariot."
40. "May I ask, do you have any dishes that play with time? The concept of time?"
41. "[Crying at meat]: I'm sorry!"

 

Always Be My Maybe is now streaming on Netflix. For your listening pleasure, here’s a rap Marcus writes about his interaction with Keanu.

Header Image: Netflix