Gaze In Terror At New Road Safety Mascot/ Abomination, “Graham”

A couple of months ago, we asked Dr. David Logan of Monash University Accident Research Centre to explain what exactly happens to our bodies in a car crash.

It was disgusting. Beyond the expected broken collar bones and shattered ribs, Dr. Logan went into horrifying detail about ruptured bowels (leading to “waste products slushing around the inside of the body”) and the general flimsiness of our abdomen (into which an incorrectly-worn seatbelt will “carve” as if we were “a slab of butter”).

Fittingly, the Victorian Transport Accident Commission has unveiled a sculpture of a human who would be able to get away from a car accident unharmed. And, uh, yeah, he don’t look like us.

According to ABC News, “Graham” (as the sculpture was christened) was created by Melbourne artist Patricia Piccinini in collaboration with a trauma surgeon and crash investigation expert.

As you can see, his thick skull is ideal for protecting the brain, while air sacks on the chest work like built-in airbags. (We're not sure what the facial hair is for, except perhaps to distract from... just everything.)

The idea behind the design of “Graham” is that, if he were to get into a prang, he’d probably be okay.

But the rest of us have to make do with more traditional bodies, and are therefore vulnerable to all that stuff Dr. Logan laid out (bowel rupturings, et al). So, probably best to drive safely and belt up.

If you want to see “Graham” in person, you can find him at the State Library of Victoria until August 8.

If you’re not in VIC, you can read our chat with Dr. Logan here, provided you haven’t just eaten...

Photo: TAC.