Coming Out, Online: A Queer Student Explains How an Internet Mentor Helped Her Take the "First Step"

"It just takes time and it's okay to take your time."

Ruby is an openly queer 21-year-old who now lives with her partner of three years and their rescue greyhound. But life wasn't always this way for the education student.

"I guess deep down I always knew that I was a little bit different to my peers, but going through later years at high school when I started having these feelings [for] the people that were around me, it was just a lot of guilt," Ruby tells Student Edge.

While she had a supportive and LGBTQI+ friendly family network during her high school years, coming out was still incredibly challenging.

"I just had this alternate reality in my head that everyone would just absolutely reject me and not want anything to do with me after I came out," Ruby says.

"When I was in Year 11 and 12, I was also in leadership roles in the school [but] with the school being openly anti-gay… I couldn't come out."

However, there was someone she was able to be open with, though she wouldn't be able to recognise them on the street.

"I had someone to talk to online," Ruby explains.

"Speaking to them and getting the whole 'How to come out' [was great] because it's a difficult experience for everyone in uniquely different ways."

It's part of the reason why she decided to join StartOut when she ran into the organisation at Fair Day, a queer fair operated by the people behind Sydney's Mardi Gras.

StartOut connects out DSG (diverse sexualities and genders) individuals with others in the DSG community who haven't come out yet or just need to talk to someone who has experienced similar situations.

Ruby has just been matched up with her first DSG mentee, and while it's only been a week, she has enjoyed sharing her insight as someone who "came out the other end."

"Having it online means where you live is no longer a barrier to being able to talk to someone," Ruby explains.

"People are dating online, people are doing university online, so it just makes sense to have a service like this accessible online as well."

Since coming out to her family and friends, Ruby reckons she now feels like she has more time to be her true self and enjoy the things she loves to do. 

"I don't want to say 'It gets better' but it does," Ruby jokes, admitting: "It's a cheesy catchphrase."

"[But] there's definitely so much more to life on the other side of coming out," she adds.

"When I was in the closet, it consumed all my time and that’s all I was thinking about."

Of course, Ruby understands that not everyone is ready to come out, or in a situation where coming out is entirely possible.

"If they're not ready to take that first step, just hang in there," Ruby offers.

"It just takes time and it's okay to take your time.

"Take time to reflect and know that there's nothing wrong with you and there are people here to listen and here to help when you're ready."

Head to the StartOut site to find out more information and sign up.

If you or anyone you know needs help, support is available now. Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.

Header Image: iStock.com/AlexeyBlogoodf