A Harvard Grad Tells Us About Growing Up Gay in Western Sydney

"You are better equipped to navigate the coming out process a second time."

This post is presented in partnership with The Pinnacle Foundation.

Nathan Li could probably find his headshot next to the dictionary definition of 'successful', after graduating with a postgraduate degree from Harvard Law School in 2017 and scoring an Associate position at an international law firm in Sydney.

He's done what so many students aspire to achieve. However, Nathan's path wasn't without adversity.

Growing up in Western Sydney as a first generation Chinese immigrant, Nathan also had to navigate his coming out with parents who found it hard to digest.

It wasn't initially an issue while Nathan was still understanding his own identity, but as soon as he hit his late teens, things changed.

"I had zero interest in the thought of romantic relationships with women," Nathan tells Student Edge.

"I thought 'Cool, I guess that's just a thing' but, of course, later on, it was like 'Oh my god, this is an issue'."

While he admits that he purposefully left his sexuality ambiguous at the start of high school, he jokes that being gay "was not something [he] could credibly deny" in his later years. 

"My mother would leave a pamphlet [that had something to the effect of] 'I am concerned that my son is gay' in my room and I thought, 'Well, this is awkward'," he says.

"We've never formally talked about it because neither of us had the confidence that the other could be reasonable about it.

"It's unfortunate that it gets in the way of forming meaningful relationships with parents because there's a whole part of your life that neither of you are willing to address or acknowledge."

Thankfully, once Nathan started his first year as an undergraduate at University of Sydney, he was able to meet others in the queer community and discuss his experiences with them.

"When I first started uni, that was a great second coming out," Nathan says.

"That's when you are an adult and that's when you do have a better capacity [to] rediscover who you are and how your identity relates to other peoples' identities.

"You are better equipped to navigate the coming out process a second time."

It was also during this time he encountered Pinnacle; an organisation that helps support LGBTQIA+ students financially and emotionally across Australia.

The Pinnacle Foundation takes on scholars each year and provides them with support and offers an older mentor from a similar background to help guide them.

While the finances certainly helped Nathan during university, it was the mentorship he received that's stuck with him still to this day.

"I got paired up with a mentor that was then a partner at a law firm called Ashurst," Nathan recalls.

"It was really valuable getting to understand him, his experiences and how his career progressed dealing with being a gay man and also being from an Asian background.

"Just seeing [him and other mentors] being quite comfortable with their queer identities, but also quite comfortable in their careers was reassuring."

Left to right: Nathan with his mentor, Khai.

Aside from being invaluable for career and life advice, Pinnacle's mentors were also a reliable support network for Nathan, who couldn't speak to his parents about this aspect of his life.

"I feel like I've learned a lot of life skills and become a better person now," Nathan explains.

"Pinnacle really helped me because, in substitution for a mother or father guiding me through maturing as an adult, I've had [my mentors] check in with me and see how I'm going."

Despite all the adversity Nathan faced in his earlier years, he feels those experiences helped shape him.

"Because of the combination of growing up in adversity and because there was that support for me, it created an environment where I was motivated," Nathan says.

"I also had the capacity to act on that motivation and work to prove to myself and to prove to those around me that I'm not such a disappointment after all."

The Pinnacle Foundation provides scholarships & mentorships to young LGBTQIA+ students to give them the chance to achieve their full potential, and Light The Spark within. If you are an LGBTQIA+ student between 17 – 26, intending to study next year and interested (or know of someone who would be), head to Pinnacle's website to find out more details and apply. Closing Date is 1 October 2018. 

If you or anyone you know needs help, support is available now. Call Lifeline on 131 114 or Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800.

Visit ReachOut to get support to help you with everything from everyday issues through to tough times.

Header Image: Supplied